


Before Troubling Yourself Any Further

by xslytherclawx



Series: ô saisons, ô châteaux (ravenclaw au) [15]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Gay Sirius Black, Gen, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Marauders Era (Harry Potter), Meddling, POV Sirius Black, Ravenclaw Regulus Black
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-07
Updated: 2019-12-07
Packaged: 2021-02-26 05:47:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,590
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21708460
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/xslytherclawx/pseuds/xslytherclawx
Summary: Sirius couldn’t help but feel slightly responsible. He’d sort of thought that Reg’s swotty friends would look out for him.But he'd miscalculated
Relationships: Regulus Black & Sirius Black
Series: ô saisons, ô châteaux (ravenclaw au) [15]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1110843
Comments: 4
Kudos: 85
Collections: ravenclaw au (xslytherclawx & thestias's harry potter multiverse), xslytherclawx & thestias's harry potter multiverse





	Before Troubling Yourself Any Further

**Author's Note:**

>   
>  _Whoever you are holding me now in hand,_   
>  _Without one thing all will be useless,_   
>  _I give you fair warning before you attempt me further,_   
>  _I am not what you supposed, but far different._   
> 
> 
>   
>  _Who is he that would become my follower?_   
>  _Who would sign himself a candidate for my affections?_   
> 
> 
>   
>  _The way is suspicious, the result uncertain, perhaps destructive,_   
>  _You would have to give up all else, I alone would expect to be your sole and exclusive standard,_   
>  _Your novitiate would even then be long and exhausting,_   
>  _The whole past theory of your life and all conformity to the lives around you would have to be abandon'd,_   
>  _Therefore release me now before troubling yourself any further, let go your hand from my shoulders,_   
>  _Put me down and depart on your way._   
> 
> 
> \- Walt Whitman, from "Calamus" (1860)
> 
> * * *
> 
> What, did you think Sirius wouldn't actually write a list?  
> This follows Chapter 13 of Who Would Sign Himself A Candidate for My Affections?. 

Sirius couldn’t help but feel slightly responsible. He’d sort of thought that Reg’s swotty friends would look out for him. Well, maybe not Scamander. But Goldstein. And probably Vance, too, and Macdonald. (Macdonald wasn’t  _ quite _ a swot, but she was a prefect, and that was close enough. No, Sirius didn’t care that Remus was a prefect. That was  _ different). _

But, well, Sirius was aware he’d overlooked several key facts.

One, Scamander was madly in love with that swotty little idiot, and likely wouldn’t even try to stop him from doing anything stupid.

Two, Goldstein was too busy trying to convince himself he was heterosexual to be of any real help (heterosexual boys didn’t stare at Sirius’s arse, nor did they go on about how totally cool and wicked and rad Scamander’s goody-two-shoes older brother was to anyone who’d listen). Well, that, and Goldstein seemed to be singularly absorbed by his O.W.L.s, which were fast approaching.

(It was sort of a shame that Goldstein was not only  _ deeply _ closeted, but also his little brother’s best friend, because he  _ was _ actually pretty fit, and he seemed desperate to prove himself, so it wasn’t like Sirius hadn’t  _ thought _ about it).

Three, Vance was equally absorbed by O.W.L.s as Goldstein was, except instead of staring at Sirius’s arse, she was staring at Lily Evans’s. And, well, Sirius didn’t understand why everyone who  _ liked _ girls wanted to shag Evans, but Vance could have been staring at Greengrass, so he figured Evans was a slightly better choice.

Four, Macdonald was facing her own crisis between Gallagher (cute, brash, and  _ quite _ fun in bed — or, well, a broom cupboard) and Selwyn. Sirius didn’t understand why she’d given Selwyn a chance — he was not only a Pureblood Slytherin, but he was one of the Sacred Twenty-Eight — but it was sort of obvious to Sirius (who knew how to look for these things) that Selwyn was gay, closeted, and trying desperately to prove himself to Gallagher.

Five, and most important of all, Regulus had been forcibly outed by their fucking monsterous cunt of a mother to the entirety of wizarding society — which included all of fucking Hogwarts. Like, yeah, Reg coming out in his fucking stupid note was idiotic (though not surprising), but Sirius really wondered what the Potters and Scamanders had said and done (because he wasn’t stupid enough to think that their running away had really been  _ that easy; _ he knew there had to be something else going on behind the scenes, even if no one deigned to tell him) to incense her.

Being outed was bad enough, but Sirius knew firsthand how people treated you differently for coming out — even your best friends. He’d managed to handle it, but Reg wasn’t as strong as he was. Regulus was soft and fucking fragile, and surely his friends knew that. Something like that would be much harder for Reg than it’d ever been for him.

He should have seen it coming. He should have done  _ something _ to stop it. Anything. It wasn’t like Reg snogging Rosier in secret had resulted — or would result — in some horrific consequence, but it was still disgusting, and Reg could still do loads better.

So when he’d told Regulus he’d draw up a list, he’d only half been joking.

His friends would be easy enough to convince, but he didn’t think any of them knew Reg that well at all. Even when Reg had lived with the Potters (briefly), he’d spent all of his time over Scamander’s, so it wasn’t as if he and Jem had been having heart-to-hearts.

He approached Macdonald first, because she scared him less than Evans, and because he sort of thought Evans would be more likely to go along with it if Macdonald had already agreed. She was in the common room, working on homework, and Gallagher had just run upstairs when he actually talked to her.

“Nigel’s moved on,” Macdonald said, “if that’s what you’re going to ask.”

“It’s not,” Sirius said. “Though I suppose, now that you mention it, I wouldn’t mind another go.”

She glared at him. “What do you want, Black?”

“Right,” Sirius said. “So, you’ve got a gay brother, I’ve got a gay brother, and you and my brother are mates. So the way I see it, you’re a prime candidate to help me out.”

Her glare softened, but only slightly. “Help you out how?”

“Well, the whole school knows Reg and Scamander are mad for each other and probably going to get married eventually — or Goldstein will fucking lose it completely — but Reg’s an idiot, and somehow thinks that his only options that  _ don’t  _ involve getting up the nerve to tell Scamander he’s mad for him are Slytherins, because he thinks I’ve shagged everyone else.”

“Haven’t you?” Mary asked.

Sirius pulled a face. “Merlin, no.”

“I’m not judging,” Mary said. 

“I’ve not slept with half the people everyone thinks I have. Mostly Gryffindors, and a few Hufflepuffs.”

“And you plan on proving this to Regulus how?”

Sirius grinned. “I’m glad you asked,” he said. “I’m going to make a list, and I need your help. And Evans’s, too.”

Macdonald glanced over to where Evans was deep in conversation with Marlene McKinnon — and by the way they were giggling and kept glancing over to Remus, Sirius had a bad feeling they were talking about sex. “If Potter makes a pass at her, she’ll walk away.”

“I’ll tell James to be on his best behaviour. Really don’t want my idiot brother to end up shagging a Death Eater just because he thinks he hasn’t got any other options — besides Scamander, and if we wait for him and Scamander to get it together…”

“That’ll take forever,” Macdonald agreed. “I’ve seen them together. I know.” She seemed to think on it, and in that time, Gallagher came back down from the dormitory. “All right. But for Regulus, not for you.”

Sirius grinned. “Excellent. And Gallagher — if you’d like to give it another go, you know where to find me.”

Gallagher laughed. “Maybe after O.W.L.s. Or during. Christ knows I’ll need some sort of stress relief.”

* * *

From there, it was easy. Macdonald talked to Evans, and Sirius managed to get James to promise to leave Evans alone (just for one night), so they all met up in the sixth year boys’ dormitory. 

Sirius brandished several rolls of blank parchment, some quills, and five bottles of ink — black, red, blue, green, and gold (he hadn’t had yellow).

“All right, so first round is brainstorming,” Sirius said. “We all know why we’re here: my idiot brother thinks I’ve shagged every gay and bi bloke in the school, and that his only options are baby Death Eaters or expressing his feelings and thus making himself vulnerable for Max Scamander, which we all know he’s not about to do any time soon.”

“Didn’t they kiss, though?” Peter asked.

Sirius glared at him. “I don’t know why I tell you anything.”

“They  _ kissed?” _ Evans asked.

Sirius shrugged. “All I know is after we moved in with James’s parents, Scamander came with us for the day, and James got Remus and Peter over to play Quidditch. We thought it’d be nice to ask Reggie to join us, so when I went to ask, there he was in his room,  _ milimetres _ away from Scamander’s face. If I’d been a second later, I’d have walked in on them kissing properly. But with Scamander — Reg’s not about to let himself be that vulnerable, especially not when he’s newly out,  _ especially _ since our cunt of a mother outed him to everyone. So. He needs some more options. Which is why I want to make him a list of all the gay and bi blokes in the school I haven’t shagged. Or done more than just, y’know, kiss once. Hand jobs are sort of a grey area, but I don’t think Reg’d be all right with that, so.”

“I’m not sure this is the best way to help him,” Evans said.

“Of course you don’t,” Sirius said. “You haven’t got to help, but I’m giving a list to Reg regardless. I thought we could start with just listing all the gay and bi blokes — as well as the blokes we sort of suspect — and then I can take out the ones I’ve shagged.”

“Or you can list all the ones you’ve shagged so we don’t waste time,” Remus said.

“You  _ do _ keep a list,” James said.

Sirius scoffed. “I fucking hate both of you. Twats. All right.” He waved his wand and summoned his list. “This doesn’t leave this room. I mean, Macdonald already knows Gallagher and I have swapped blow jobs, but. The rest of it.”

He copied his list for everyone with a basic charm. “So anyone on here, obviously, is a no-go.”

“You’ve  _ not _ slept with Remus?” Evans asked.

“No,” Remus said. “Sirius and I haven’t slept together.”

“I mean, Moony’s bi,” Sirius said, since it wasn’t a secret. “It’s not like he’s straight. But no, we haven’t.” He pulled out a quill. “To start, though, I think we can safely say Scamander, Corner, and Goldstein.”

“Isaac Goldstein?” Macdonald repeated. “Or his brother?”

“Isaac,” Sirius said. “He’s not said it, but it’s fairly obvious he’s bisexual. No one with half a brain would think he doesn’t like girls, but… well, you know him. It’s obvious.”

“I dunno about putting him on the list, Pads,” James said. “It seems like a bad idea.” Trust Prongs to put on the act of concerned citizen whilst Lily Evans was in their dormitory.

Macdonald spoke up again. “He’s one of Regulus’s best friends; he’ll get upset. Especially if he’s not out — wouldn’t that do more harm than good?”

“All right, then we’ll list him with a question mark next to his name, like we’re not sure. Even though it’s obvious.” Sirius wrote their names and houses down before anyone could protest further.

“I can’t believe I’m participating in this,” Evans said, “but Gareth Carmichael, Marlene’s boyfriend. He’s bisexual.”

“Excellent,” Sirius said. “Benjy Fenwick is gay, too, so we’ll add him.”

“Can’t believe you’ve never shagged Fenwick,” James said.

“He’s not my type,” Sirius said. “He’s far too righteous. I can’t stand that sort of thing.”

“Dirk Cresswell,” Macdonald said.

Sirius did a double take. Cresswell was in Regulus’s little group of friends, but he’d never given Sirius any sort of vibe that he wasn’t straight. “You’re sure about that?”

“Not entirely, but — I dunno, sometimes he says or does things that I sort of have to wonder about. And he does seem  _ quite _ interested in Regulus. Don’t you agree, Lily, Remus?”

Evans and Remus both appeared to think on it.

“I can see it,” Remus said.

“Especially in Slug Club,” Lily added. “I like Dirk a lot, but — he’s quite obvious, now that I actually think on it. It’s just that he usually sort of seems to accept that Regulus and Max are going to get together eventually.”

“Has he actually told you?” Sirius asked, because, really, now that James and Macdonald had brought it up, he realised it probably was a terrible idea to list people as gay or bi without knowing for sure that they were.

Lily shook her head. “I think you could definitely get away with a question mark, though.”

“All right,” Sirius said. He added Cresswell to the list.

“Atticus Rowle, too,” Evans said. “Though I’m not sure where he stands on You-Know-Who.”

Sirius added him. 

“Oh, and Flint and Edgecombe,” Evans said. “They’re a bit all over each other in Slug Club.”

“First names?”

“Flint’s Francis,” James said. “The Slytherin Keeper. Edgecombe…”

“Richard,” Remus said.

Sirius added them to the list. “So we’ve got: Max Scamander, Martin Corner, Isaac Goldstein, Gareth Carmichael, Benjy Fenwick, Dirk Cresswell, Atticus Rowle, Francis Flint, Richard Edgecombe… who else?”

“I think,” Remus said. “Conor McBride probably isn’t straight. He’s not said as much, but he’s definitely flirted with me more than once, in a way that straight blokes, er, probably wouldn’t.”

Sirius wanted details — who did McBride think he was? Evans was bad enough, but at least Evans didn’t put up with anyone’s shit, and she was kind to his brother. McBride was just your run-of-the-mill Ravenclaw swot. “Flirting how?”

Remus rolled his eyes. “I’m not going into detail,” he said. “I’m just saying.”

_ “Fine,” _ Sirius said. He added McBride to the list with a bit more force than necessary. 

“Should we add Rosier and Crouch?” Peter asked, oblivious to the tension in the room. “I know you don’t want Regulus to do anything with them, but Crouch is gay, and Rosier’s bisexual, isn’t he? And I’m sure you haven’t shagged either of them.”

Sirius didn’t know how Peter, oblivious to  _ everything, _ somehow knew Crouch and Rosier’s sexualities, but he didn’t ask. “I don’t know.”

“Could show Regulus how much better he can do,” Macdonald said. “Like, there are Crouch and Rosier, next to Max and Dirk and Gareth and Benjy.”

“Maybe,” Sirius said. He wrote their names down, but off to the side. “We’ll see.”

The room was pretty quiet after that, and James looked around. His gaze lingered on Evans, because of course it did. Even on his best behaviour, Prongs couldn’t help but stare at Evans.

“I sort of think a lot of these blokes might be a bit  _ old _ for Regulus,” James said after a minute. “I know he’s technically a fifth year, but — by what? Three days? If he’d been born  _ half a week _ later, he’d be in fourth year. And sure, Max is in his year — in his dorm, too — but Rosier wasn’t. He’s closer in age to most fourth years than fifth years. Benjy’s  _ definitely _ way too old for Regulus.”

“You say that like I haven’t slept with blokes who are three years older than me,” Sirius said.

“But Regulus isn’t  _ you, _ mate. He’s a lot… more reserved. And more careful.”

“Gus Selwyn’s gay,” Macdonald said. “Though Regulus knows that already. They’ve become friends. And Gus is definitely — he doesn’t buy into that purist bollocks anymore. He’s a good bloke.”

“In love with Gallagher, though,” Sirius said.

James swatted him, and Evans fixed him with a glare. 

“But putting Gus on there might go a long way to show Regulus that there are better options — even among Purebloods and Slytherins — than Rosier and Crouch.”

“I’ve not shagged him,” Sirius said. “So all right.” He wrote Selwyn’s name down.

“I think Davies is — gay or bi or something,” James said. “The Ravenclaw Keeper. I mean, regardless, he sort of  _ clearly _ fancies Reg. You can see it in how he looks at him in the Great Hall.”

“Do we know his first name?” Sirius looked around the room.

“I think it’s Jack,” Evans said. “That sounds right, doesn’t it?”

“Yeah,” James agreed. “Jack Davies. Sounds right.”

So Sirius wrote down  _ Jack Davies, fourth year, Ravenclaw, Keeper. _

“I’m pretty sure he’s bisexual,” Macdonald said.

Sirius added  _ bisexual _ next to Davies’s name.

“This doesn’t leave this room,” Remus said. “But last month, I left my Defense book in the room where we’d had our prefect meeting.”

“A likely story,” Sirius said. “What, did you and Evans have a discreet rendez-vous?”

“Piss off, Black,” Evans said.

“No,” Remus said. “We didn’t. But I did see Kavanagh and Smith snogging. Well. I dunno that snogging even covers it. I decided my book was a loss and I’d come back for it later.”

“Ooh, is the Head Boy abusing his powers to shag a prefect?” Sirius teased.

“Smith’s bisexual,” James said. “He told me once. I’ve no idea why; maybe he thought I was, too. I’m not. Not that it matters. But I’m not.”

Sirius wrote down their names. “Though I guess you’re probably right, Prongs: seventh year  _ is _ probably a bit too old for Reggie to ever consider.”

“Matt Williamson is bisexual,” Macdonald said. “He used to date Nigel. And his friend — Baxter — I don’t think he’s straight, either.”

“Are  _ any _ Ravenclaws straight?” Sirius said, looking at his list.

“Well,” James said. “Not your brother — or his dorm-mates. Or Vance. Or anyone on this list.”

Evans snorted. “There’s no way  _ David _ Goldstein is anything but straight.”

“His brother might have got all the gayness,” Sirius proposed. “Or it was split between him and his sister. Do we know about the sister?”

No one volunteered any information, which was probably just as well. Goldstein’s sister was, what, in third year? That was a bit young for any of them to associate with, especially since they weren’t in the same House.

“I mean, it sort of makes sense,” Macdonald said. “Ravenclaws are sort of known for being… unconventional. I’m pretty sure Regulus and Isaac are the only ones who seem sort of normal.”

“You think Goldstein’s normal?” Sirius asked.

“He’s  _ absolutely _ normal,” Evans said as Macdonald blushed. Interesting. “He’s Jewish, and a bit high strung, but he’s normal. Not that I’d agree that Ravenclaws are  _ ab _ normal, but knowing you, you’re trying to find a new angle to tease him.”

“I am not,” Sirius lied. “Though it is sort of adorable how flustered he gets when I do.”

“I’m sure Regulus loves that,” Evans drawled.

“Hey, maybe I’m meant to marry him,” Sirius said.

Evans snorted, and Remus burst out laughing. 

_ “Please,” _ Evans said. “First of all, I can’t  _ ever _ see you settling down, second, Isaac’s always been very adamant that he wants to marry another Jew and have a Jewish family — and I’m  _ certain _ you’d never willingly get circumcised as an adult, and third, the two of you don’t have remotely compatible personalities.”

“Ooh,” Sirius teased. “Evans, do  _ you _ fancy Goldstein? It’s all right; he’s only about a year younger than you.”

“I don’t,” Evans said. “I just think you tease him without fully understanding what that means.”

“I know exactly what it means,” Sirius said. “He’s adorable, and he fancies me, and he’s my idiot brother’s best friend. I’d never fucking  _ date _ him, Merlin.”

“Good,” Evans said, in a tone that  _ clearly _ implied that she thought Goldstein could do better than him. Which he couldn’t, because he was Sirius fucking Black, but he wasn’t about to start a row with Evans with Remus and James in the room.

“Anyway, I’ve got to polish this up, but unless any of us can think of anyone else, I think this is good enough. I mean, really, all he actually needs are Scamander and Corner.”

“I can’t think of anyone else,” Peter said.

“You really want him to date Corner?” Remus asked. “Isn’t he Aubrey’s best mate?”

Sirius knew that Remus knew that already. “Corner’s nowhere near as much of a twat as Aubrey, he’s mad for Reg, and he’s miles better than — than some of the other blokes on this list. Honestly, though, it’s a fucking miracle Scamander hasn’t gone up to Reg and informed him they’re dating already.”

“He’s probably afraid of seeming predatory,” James said, surprising Sirius. And it wasn’t often that James surprised him.

“What?”

“Well, he’s gay — and he’s in love with his best mate, and like, they live together, and they’ve slept in the same bed at  _ least  _ once that we know of, and Regulus — no offense, mate, but Regulus is a nervous wreck a the best of times. And was it you or Scamander or both of you who complained about him being casually homophobic?”

“When on earth did you talk to Scamander about my brother?” Sirius asked.

James shrugged. “I’ve run into him at the seaside a few times. I’m just saying. I know Max better than probably anyone else in this room. Yeah, he’s pushy and clingy and if Regulus were some random bloke, he’d have probably done something about it, but he’s not. They’re best mates.”

“As much as I hate to agree with Potter,” Evans said, “he’s got a point. But I don’t think Regulus’s love life — or Max’s — is any of our business. I even think this list is a bit much, to be honest.”

“Then why’d you volunteer to help?” Sirius sneered.

“I didn’t volunteer,” Evans said. “You harangued me until I agreed. Besides, Regulus is my friend, and I don’t want him to feel like he can’t date anyone because he thinks every bloke in this school’s already shagged you.”

“A likely story.”

“It’s the truth,” Evans said. “Anyway, if you’ve quite finished, I’d like to get back to Marlene.”

“Fine,” Sirius said. “Go back to your girlfriend. I’ve finished the list, so I’ve just got to rewrite it.”

Evans stood up. “Bye Remus. Mary, are you coming?”

Macdonald looked from Lily to Remus to Sirius. “All right,” she agreed, getting up as well.

They left without another word.

_ “Is _ she dating McKinnon?” James asked.

“Don’t be an idiot,” Sirius said. The last thing he needed was James going into a panic. “She just said McKinnon is dating Carmichael.” Not that he really thought James had much of a chance where Evans was concerned, especially after that business with Snivellus last year. Evans might have realised that Snivellus was a slimy, racist prick, but that didn’t mean she’d forgiven James for what had happened. Or Sirius himself.

“Oh,” James said. “Good. I mean. You know, it’d be fine if she  _ were _ dating McKinnon, but — I was concerned for Carmichael’s sake, really.”

Sirius rolled his eyes. “It’s just us, mate. And to be honest, I really don’t need anyone else I care about being an idiot about  _ feelings.” _

**Author's Note:**

> come visit me on [tumblr](https://xslytherclawx.tumblr.com/) | [character guide](https://xslytherclawx.tumblr.com/chars)
> 
> * * *
> 
> [the list in question](https://xslytherclawx.tumblr.com/post/189536697706)


End file.
